Satan Sucks!!!!!

Hello readers. Since we last talked, a lot has happened. More than I could ever explain in one blog. More than I thought I could handle. I had an amazing amount of emotion this week. I went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. I went from the brink of killing myself to wondering if things could get any better. You get the picture. I have had a lot of comments from my last few blogs and I have to say that I have really enjoyed it. But I don’t blog just so I can tell you about my life. I tell you about my life so that it may help others on their journey. I have to be honest; I have had a lot of battles with Satan this week. He has absolutely tried to destroy me at every turn. He has ruined friendships, tried to cost me my job, tried to wreck my marriage, tried to drive a wedge between me and God, I could go on. But here I stand. I am still beaten and bruised. I am still reeling from the realizations I made two weeks ago. Well here comes Satan to knock me back down. They say Satan doesn’t bother the ones he already has, so I kind of feel honored. He is trying to absolutely destroy everything I hold dear. But I have something now that I didn’t have two weeks ago; the love of God. And as any Christian knows, or at least they should, our God wins. Satan has had my mind for longer than I can remember. I have tried in the past to give it to God, but I just wouldn’t. I was afraid that He wouldn’t treat it as good as I was . But then I had an epiphany and everything became clear. I could NEVER do with it what God was wanting to do. I can honestly say that if He didn’t have my mind and my heart, I would be behind bars or under the ground after this week. It has been that bad. Now there are those of you who are going to want to gossip and ask questions and I ask that you NEVER read my blog again. If you have a question, you can ask, but don’t expect a whole lot of answers. This is supposed to be a help to all of you and this is why. My marriage is better than it has been, EVER. We have things to work on, and we are just beginning the process, but it is so much better. I am getting a new beginning in my job. I am sleeping better. I love my kids more than I ever have, and have truly begun to enjoy hanging out with my family. I am praying a ton more than I ever have. I feel like I found a new best friend, except this one actually answers my prayers and provides miracles. I have always relied on humans, and I have to tell you, God is so much better. I love all of my friends, and will continue to rely on them, just in different ways. Now they get to just be my friends instead of my friends and my gods. I have discovered God now, and He provides me with the peace that I have been searching for for so long. The peace that passes all understanding. The peace that allows me to sleep at night and know that everything is going to be alright. I truly am praising Him in the midst of a storm, and it is awesome to see what is happening. So you know what? Satan can keep on trying, and I will fail from time to time, but Satan, if you are reading this, know this, YOU SUCK!!!! And you will NOT get ahold of my marriage, my mind, my anything ever again. Please continue to pray for me as I am human, and have to fight battles with my mind. Pray for my family, and most all, begin to pray for yourself and know that you are worth it. God wants a real, tangible relationship with you. God sent His son to die for all of us, and that means you.

Let’s take a church journey; be careful it is a bumpy ride

Hello readers. This one may actually be more aggravating to some than my last. This one is about church. I don’t mind church, I really do understand the idea and believe that we really should go. It is our chance to be among people of like minds, and to be fed spiritually. But let me give you some of my experiences and then you tell me how you would feel (still going to church by the way). I grew up as a pastor’s kid. When I lived in Illinois and became a teenager, the rumors began;. This is a list of a few; I was a satanist, I was sleeping with whoever, whenever. I was a drug addict, alcoholic, smoking teenage punk, dissenter, God hater, well you get the idea. And that was before I was even 17. Also, I had a youth pastor who cheated with a teenage girl. Then we moved to Atlanta, and they got even funnier; now I was a criminal, still a man whore, drug addict, although now a peddler to other “innocent” teenagers, a violent person (that one was kind of true), a corrupter of young minds, a church destroyer, and well you get the point there. Also, I had a music and youth pastor’s wife who cheated with a teenage boy. Here is the kicker; the guy resigned, and because the family was very prominent, it got swept under the rug, and this punk actually got a free pass to continue acting like the perfect young Christian man and singing in the church, and going on to start his own church all the while never admitting fault to any part in it. Then my dad moved to Savannah, wasn’t even there (freshman in college), and here we go; Drugs, sex, violence, alcohol, and now I had AIDS (my personal favorite), I was again a Satanist, church hater, home wrecker, and even a father (really). So I wasn’t the biggest fan of church. I met my future wife on one of the very few visits I made when I was home, and then I actually started going a little. Then I became fascinated with different religions and started experimenting with eastern mysticism. That didn’t take either. During this time, I actually was doing drugs and drinking heavily, so the rumors became true. The funny thing about rumors is that often times when you hear them so much, you almost want to make them come true out of spite. Not smart, but I know I am not the first one to do that. Well, I hit rock bottom, and I decided to give church another chance. I even committed to go into full time ministry. I went to Tennessee Temple University and we were forced to go to TTU’s home church. Hated it. Not the pastor,  the music. The pastor’s son swore he would help me out since I was 21 and going back to school, but he was a liar. It worked out though because he was still in the closet at the time, and I didn’t feel like being a confidant. At any rate, I got a pretty hard time from some people and because of the people I was friends with, I was even forced to sit in the front of the church like some bad child or something. I was 21. Then, I transferred to BBC. I chose to go to a church there in which not many other students went to, and it was actually really nice. Well, while I was there, I worked at a sports bar, and invited some friends to come. One, an unchurched girl, came and was so uncomfortable that she actually left crying because we got signals crossed and I was looking for her on the opposite side of the church. She wasn’t crying because she was shy. She was crying because she had been treated so rudely by the people. She sat down, hoping to see me and somebody actually asked her to move because she was in their seat. She moved and then asked where the college class was and was told that they didn’t know, they chose not to associate with “punk” college kids. Needless to say, she wasn’t impressed. I miraculously convinced her to come back and this time was very careful to protect her and she tried, but never came back. We were still friends, but she never wanted to come back. I went back to that church a total of 3 times after that. After that year, I moved back and got married. I call this “the peaceful time”. Then I graduated and got a position in a church in Denver as the youth pastor (after all that I still wanted to go into the ministry). The day I got to Denver, the pastor told me he was resigning to move to Delaware (thought there might be a chance, but still). The guy who followed him promised to give all existing staff 6 months and proceeded to give me 6 weeks. He fired me because he felt I was a threat to his ministry; my youth group was growing and seeing kids saved, and regularly ran more on Wednesday nights than the church did on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights. He felt like I was kind of a rebel and he just wanted to eliminate me. So I came back to Savannah 6 short months later, and worked to overcome the bitterness. We stayed there for about 4 years before we went to another church to teach Young Marrieds (as a lay person), and was looked down upon because it was a “Southern” Baptist church. Unfortunately my work schedule changed drastically and I was unable to stay there, so went back to my dad’s church. It never felt like home, and I began to look late in 2007. We left and came to the church we are at now, which is only 3 miles from our home and has a great pastor. But here is the latest chapter in this story. I hurt my back in September. I had surgery and was out of commission for a long time. 4 months to be exact. Well, I could actually go, but I didn’t. This may seem petty, but just read. In the time of my surgery and following, I didn’t hear from anyone in my Sunday School once. Not once. My wife got 3 emails and one ancillary call. We were active and looking for a place to serve when I got hurt, so it wasn’t like we just visited once or something. I was hurt by that, and to be honest, that is the reason why I have only been back once since September. Really like the pastor, but I don’t go to church for the pastor (sorry Dad ). I understand that a lot of people have horror stories, but even through all that, I am more than willing to give it yet another try. I have said all that to say this. Don’t EVER, EVER, EVER go to church for any other reason than to worship God. I did, and look at me. I worshipped, but I let other people get to me along the way. That is my point in all of this. People have continually let me down, and I have let it effect me this time. I am sick of “church” people. The ones who were nice to me because of my father, the ones I saw in the bars (yes, I was there, but I didn’t try to hide it) and then condemned the very things they were doing, the ones who are trying to force my newly saved best friend and his wife to be baptized for what seems to be the sole purpose of adding two more members to their church, the guys who want to be deacons so they can finally have the status they so crave, etc.. Anyway, I think I have said all I want to say, and for those of you who want to condemn, or try to convince me of the err of my ways, here is my phone number is 912-272-3145. Don’t hesitate to call. But don’t call and expect an argument. I know what the Bible says, to not forsake the assembling of ourselves; well you know what? I don’t want to assemble with anyone other than those truly committed anymore. I am tired of the fakes, the rumors, and everything else. Church is for building up and helping those with problems; not adding to them. Please do not wonder why people don’t want to go to church; we did it to ourselves. Good night.